Back on the wagon

I fell off the wagon, and it's okay. In October I had bronchitis, which prevented me from working out for a bit and then I could not get back into the swing. And then I do what I always do and got mad at myself for not getting to the gym and then ate my feelings. It's a vicious cycle that I always seem to fall into. But now I'm getting up again, forgiving myself and moving on.  Hopefully for an extended period of time.

I'm fat. I don't hate my body. THE HORROR!

Like I've said in previous posts, I've always been fat.  In my younger years, I was ashamed.  As an adult, I'm not.  I love my body.  But I know that seems completely absurd for 99% of the population who thinks I should hate myself.  I look in the mirror naked and I don't hate what I see.  My fat belly, big thighs, rolls on my back...I don't hate them.  They're me.  There's a lot of me & I'm okay with that.  Do I think my body needs to be healthier? Yes. And I'm working on that. But we should not be confusing healthiness with body size. Yes, I feel the need to be healthy. But I do not feel the need to be skinny or obsess about my body's physical appearance.  Frankly, I'm really fed up with the belief that skinny and healthy are synonymous. Skinny does not = healthy.

I recently had a conversation about plastic surgery.  I have always said and maintain to this day that I would not ever have any work done.  I wouldn't get a tummy tuck, I wouldn't get gastric bypass, etc.  To each her own, but I don't believe in it.  I'm bombarded with media everyday (not to mention all the chatter of women), that tell me I should hate my body if I'm not a size 0. Frankly, I just cannot understand the women I see around me every day who have beautiful bodies, that still aren't satisfied with them.  It makes me sad.  In college, I was the "fat girl" in my social circle.  But within that circle, I was the most secure with my body. My friends obsessed w/the way their bodies looked...a size 4 wasn't good enough, a size 2 wasn't good enough. They were always amazed that I didn't join in on the self hatred of the body conversations and made comments about how they admired my confidence. But I could read the underlying message behind those comments...."I can't believe YOU are so confident...you are fat. How can you be fat and confident?" 

Do I struggle w/my confidence sometimes?  Yes, I do.  Of course I do.  Especially when there are so many hateful comments about fat people. And there has been a lot going around in the media and in the news lately. According to America, I should hate myself.  I shouldn't love my body...how could I possibly?!  But at the end of the day, I embrace me. And I don't really care about others opinions of how I look. 

If I had one huge wish for all of the women in the world, it would be that we would accept our bodies just the way we are. 
Stop with the obsessing about the # on the back of your jeans.
Do not starve yourself.
Do not take those ridiculous weight loss pills.
Love your body.
Love it enough to work on making healthy-by putting healthy food in it and getting exercise. 
Love it enough to not make hateful comments about it. 
Please ladies...love the skin you're in.

M&M: Music and Motivation

Music.
Motivation.
They go hand in hand for a lot of people. You see athletes with their headphones on preparing for games and music blasting from the loudspeakers during games. Hear military cadence calls when they're marching. The Alphabet song motivates children to learn their ABC's while Sesame Street & other various children's programming use song to teach kids about other subjects.

Music is a huge part of my life. And in an effort to motivate my son to do things he would call "boring", I make up songs.  From anything to going to school to cleaning his room to brushing his teeth.  Made up songs can make just about anything fun. And they will instantly turn his frown upside down.

Music motivates me too. I have lots of different playlists for the various moods I'm in and specifically one for working out that helps me get through. But it never occured to me until the other day to make up my own song for motivation. Of course it's not going to win any awards, or even be heard by others, but it worked. And it was fun too.

Next time you need a little push, make up a song. And then if you're feeling even more adventurous, try it Opera or Rap style.  Those are my son (and my) personal favorites!

What kind of music do you like to work out to?

Put down the bottle

One month in...5.8 lbs lost. 5.8...really?  Only 5.8?! 

I have to admit that I'm a bit dissapointed at that number. Maybe a lot dissapointed. I've been working pretty hard and have made a really big change in my eating habits as well as exersize.  It is, however, a step in the right direction.  I guess.

I've made sacrifices, but I'm a bit in denial about 1 thing I need to sacrifice a little bit more of: alcohol.  Sigh.
I'm German.
I come from a family of drinkers.
I haven't met much of any alcohol I didn't like.
I like to drink.
Beer, wine, vodka, cognac...
But...there's HOW MANY calories in that?!
Sigh.

I told myself I was going to limit alcohol to Friday and Saturday nights. Then, I remembered football season was starting. No beer on football Sundays?! Blasphemy!

However, in an effort to make more progress...and win a weight loss contest against my son's father (first to lose 20 lbs wins), the alcohol is going to have to be limited more.

Sigh.

It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life...and I'm feeling good!

It'll mark 3 weeks tomorrow of my decision to make this lifestyle change. I've been working out on a regular basis, eating healthy and damn it, I feel good! My energy levels are extremely improved & my motivation is high. I can do this!

Fashion for Fatties

I have looked at the Threadless website many times & eyed up some cool Tees I wanted to order and I recently made my first purchase of 2 T-shirts in the female size 2XL.  Depending on the store/brand I usually fit into an XL or 2XL and thought for sure the latter would give me plenty of room.  I got home one day to find my package on the porch-YAY my cool new T-shirts!! Went in the house, tried the first one on-SKINTIGHT. Went to the second one hoping that one was just a fluke-SKINTIGHT.  Sigh :(  
I guess Threadless doesn't want fatgirls to wear their clothes either...add them to the list of many.

To be very honest, one of the motivations for me to lose weight is to shop in "regular size" stores again.  There has been a lot improvement in plus-sized fashion recently, however there still is just not a lot to choose from, especially locally.  Sure, there is more online, but seriously unless it's a store you shop at frequently (and even then it's risky), you just have to try things on.  Who wants to spend time ordering, shipping back, ordering again?  I know I don't...nor do I have the extra $ to spend on shipping costs.  It's just a freaking hassle.

I didn't send those Threadless shirts back, I kept them.  And I will fit in them someday.

Starting line

Membership to Snap Fitness in tow, I started my first workout Saturday, the 21st. Weighed in at 223.8.  Due to a very stressful week last week & working long hours, I only got work outs in Monday & Tuesday nights and then again on Saturday. I felt pretty sore last week so I am easing my way in doing cardio on the treadmill & elliptical. Ab work & some arm & leg work on the weight machines.

Normally with the stressful week I had last week, working almost 60 hours, I generally would have eaten mostly fast food, but I was prepared with healthy lunches and dinners at work all week so I did well.

Saturday, the 28th I weighed in at 220.8 so I lost 3 lbs the first week.  I don't expect that trend will continue, but normal for getting back into the eating right & working out routine. My first goal line is to 195, which is the weight I weighed before I had my son. So that would be 25.8 more lbs.

This week I made it to the gym Monday night, last night I did an ab workout only, and tonight I will be back to cardio and weights.

I am really going to struggle with having healthy meals with my schedule that don't come in the form of Healthy Choice, Lein Cuisine, etc.  I've gotta do some research on quick, easy, healthy meals. Salmon and Chicken Breast on the George Foreman are my go-to favorites when I am home with enough time, but I don't want to get sick of eating the same things, cooked the same way.

If anybody has healthy recipe suggestions or sites they love, I would love some guidance!